gece
nefes almamın zorlaştığı anlarda gözlerimin önünden geçen her kare için 365 gecemi geçirebilirdim uykusuz.
ben her geceme her kareyi sığdırdım ama.
*
bir kere düşmeye başladın mı, o yere çakılma anı geciktikçe zamanın akışı yavaşlar.
çünkü geçen her an o çakılma anının şiddetini artıracaktır,
artık bitsin dersin içinden hep ama bitmez,
ayağı kırılan atların vurulması gibi biraz..
sen de daha kötüsünü daha beterini düşünürsün, bir an önce o yere çakılma anı gerçekleşsin de bitsin bu düşüş diye.
önce güzel bi an gelir gözlerinin önüne sonra o an’ı değerli kılan her ne varsa kötü anlardaki görüntüleriyle karşındadır.
nefes almanın zorlaştığı evreden nefesinin kesildiği evreye geçersin yavaş yavaş..
ve sızıp kalırsın bu evrede işte(uyumak değil bu)
alarmların ardı ardına çalmasıyla istemeye istemeye çıkarsın yatağından ve rol yapmaya başlarsın ta ki o yatağa geri dönene kadar.
***
sanırım, sensiz bir geceye daha hoş geldim.
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