Sıkıldım!..
Biraz önce erdem’in yazısını okudum… Güzel bi’ yazıydı. Öyle ki; benim de yazasım geldi =)…
Şafak 3 ay filan emin değilim saymıyorum zaten duyduğumu söylüyorum…
Hayat fiziksel anlamda aşırı monoton geçiyor…
Ama işin bi de ruhsal durumu var tabii…
“Anlık değişken hayat…”
Dün aptal bi duruma gözlerim dolcak kadar üzülürken, bugün yazarken bu yazıyı durumdan aptal diye bahsedebiliyorum mesela…
Şimdi aklıma geldi şu “anlık değişken”likle ilgili bi durum;
Okulda 3.5 sene bitti, üzülüyorum bazen bitiyor Şehremini Anadolu Lisesi macerası, serüveni(laf olsun diye demiyorum serüven diye 5 ciltlik roman olur lise anıları…)
çok şeyi özleyeceğim şüphesiz ama öyle anlar geliyo’ ki “kurtuluyorum be dayan oğlum 3 ay kaldı, dayan” diyorum…
Sıkıldım diyorum ya yazının başlığında şöyle anlatayım;
her sabah okula geliyorum… Yukarıya çıkıyorum soyunup dökünüp çantamı bırakıyorum…
Kantine inip bi çay bi soğuk sandviç alıyorum(aç değilsem bile…)…
Sonra tekrar yukarı çıkıyorum… Ders başlıyor…
Test çözmeye çalışıyorum sıkılıyorum bi yerden sonra radyoyu açıyorum alem, joytürk, slowtürk, istanbulfm, powertürk, radyod arasında dolaşıyorum defalarca kez…
Zil çalıyor… Sadece sıkıldığım için kantine iniyorum yine bir çay alıyorum yine yukarı çıkıyorum…
Öyle ki bazen 4–5–6 çay içtiğim oluyor okulda bazen de neskafeye sarıyorum tabii…
Diğer teneffüsler aynı şekilde devam ediyor işte…
Bunlardan test çözmek dışında hiç biri ihtiyaçtan dolayı değil sıkıntıdan…
Nereye kadar böyle gider bu bilmiyorum…
Evde de pek farklı değil aslında otobüsle eve dönerken hep aynı şeyi söylüyorum eve gidip şu kadar soru çözcem…
Eve geliyorum 30 dk 1 saat pc sonra derse oturuyorum oturmasına ama sıkıntı ordada var yapabildiğim kadarını yapıyorum sonra uyuyorum(bu ara 24 saat bile uyuyabilirim ‘uyku kaçmaktır…’)…
Gece kalkıyorum bazen, tv seyrediyorum bişeyler atıştırıyorum ‘birazdan test çözcem’ diyerek ama test’tense uyumak daha tatlı geliyo ve uyuyorum…
sabah yine uyan minibüse bin metrobüse bin tramvaya bin tanıdık insnalarla karşılaş selam ver falan filan..
heaa bu arada unutmadan fırsat oldukça alem fmde matrax’ı dinliyorum zeki iyidir… 23:00 gibi başlıyo gece 2ye kadar… Sabah yoldayken de nihat sırdar var yine alemde…
Ama istisnasız her gece başımı yastığı koyduğumda düşündüğüm bazı şeyler, kişiler, olaylar, durumlar var… Özlüyorum… Çok özlüyorum… Çok…
Az kaldı çooook az kaldı…
‘Sen de çekip gitme! Dayan be umudum!
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