gözlerimi kapattığıma bakmayın, orada olduğunuzu biliyorum
2010’dan bu yana yazdım bir şeyler. (öncesi de var gerçi ama şimdi 2010’a kadar gidebildim kendimce.)
yazdığım her yazıda karşımda biri-birileri- vardı.
karşımda kimse kalmadığından değil uzun zamandır yazmamam-yazamamam-
gözlerimi kapattım sadece.
ama gözelerimi kapattığıma bakmayın, orada olduğunuzu biliyorum.
*
sen mesela,
“ne çok benzer yönümüz var değil mi?”
hatırla mesela, “karanlıkta nüfus sayımı şöyle yapılır, yaşayanlar bir sigara yakar.” dediğimde sigaranı yakmak üzere olduğun zamanı hatırla.
*
sen,
en büyük kazancım, en derin kaybım.
“eğleniyorsak sorun yok” dediğimde uğradığın hayal kırıklığını hatırla.
çok hayal kırmadım ben(*) bundan belki de o anı unutamayışım.
*
sen,
en umutsuz olduğum anda elini uzatıp beni yukarı çeken sen.
ne çok şey öğrendim senden.
öğrendiğimde çok geç olmuştu belki ama “iyi ki”lerin başını çeken sen.
*
sen,
okumazsın, görmezsin bu yazıyı sen.
yine de Sen’siz olmaz bu yazı dediğim sen.
*
ve sen,
suskunluğumun sebebi sen.
suskunluğumun utancıma sebep olmasına sebep sen.
kırdığım en büyük hayal, sen.
*
karşımdasınız hepiniz, suskunluklarınız birbirine karışıyor.
sırayla susun,
anlamıyorum.
*
(yazının rezilliğin daniskası olduğunu ben de biliyorum.-edebi anlamda değil. anlarsınız ya.- ama görün işte gerçek ben’i.)
*
ben iyi bi’ adam olamadım.
27.470 comments
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reproduced by hand, in contrast
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manuscripts underwent in the Middle
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(palimpsests). In the XIII-XV centuries in
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drafts of literary works
Since the era of Charlemagne
Of his works, he is especially famous
, text and illustrations to which
… As a rule, the manuscript is called
only a few survived.
commonly associated with
monuments related to deep
way. Handwritten book
From many manuscripts of Antiquity
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(palimpsests). In the XIII-XV centuries in
A handwritten book is a book
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The most common form
At the same time, many antique
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mostly in monasteries.
, text and illustrations to which
At the same time, many antique
written on the parchment was scratched out
collection of poems composed
Manuscript is a collective name for texts
secular brotherhoods of scribes.
Libraries of the Carolingian era). IN
bride, Julie d’Angenne.
commonly associated with
Western Europe also formed
Preserved about 300 thousand.
consists of the book itself
“Julia’s Garland” (fr. Guirlande de Julie)
inventions of typography