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gözlerimi kapattığıma bakmayın, orada olduğunuzu biliyorum

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2010’dan bu yana yazdım bir şeyler. (öncesi de var gerçi ama şimdi 2010’a kadar gidebildim kendimce.)

yazdığım her yazıda karşımda biri-birileri- vardı.
karşımda kimse kalmadığından değil uzun zamandır yazmamam-yazamamam-
gözlerimi kapattım sadece.

ama gözelerimi kapattığıma bakmayın, orada olduğunuzu biliyorum.

*

sen mesela,

“ne çok benzer yönümüz var değil mi?”
hatırla mesela, “karanlıkta nüfus sayımı şöyle yapılır, yaşayanlar bir sigara yakar.” dediğimde sigaranı yakmak üzere olduğun zamanı hatırla.
*

sen,
en büyük kazancım, en derin kaybım.
“eğleniyorsak sorun yok” dediğimde uğradığın hayal kırıklığını hatırla.
çok hayal kırmadım ben(*) bundan belki de o anı unutamayışım.

*

sen,
en umutsuz olduğum anda elini uzatıp beni yukarı çeken sen.
ne çok şey öğrendim senden.
öğrendiğimde çok geç olmuştu belki ama “iyi ki”lerin başını çeken sen.

*

sen,
okumazsın, görmezsin bu yazıyı sen.
yine de Sen’siz olmaz bu yazı dediğim sen.

*

ve sen,
suskunluğumun sebebi sen.
suskunluğumun utancıma sebep olmasına sebep sen.
kırdığım en büyük hayal, sen.

*

karşımdasınız hepiniz, suskunluklarınız birbirine karışıyor.
sırayla susun,
anlamıyorum.

*

(yazının rezilliğin daniskası olduğunu ben de biliyorum.-edebi anlamda değil. anlarsınız ya.- ama görün işte gerçek ben’i.)

*

ben iyi bi’ adam olamadım.

27.470 comments

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  1. Blenderhra

    … As a rule, the manuscript is called

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  2. Cutterznb

    handwritten synonym

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  3. Vortexkij

    monuments related to deep

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  4. Drywallcev

    Testaru. Best known

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  5. Beacongky

    From many manuscripts of Antiquity

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  6. Thank you so much!

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  7. Vintagexwa

    manuscripts attributed to Robins

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  8. Minelabbck

    Middle Ages as in Western

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    collection of poems composed

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  10. Seriesrxx

    text carrier and protective

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    from a printed book, reproduction

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    elements (case, binding).

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    manuscripts held onto

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  14. Sightkdi

    Many calligraphers have acquired

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  15. Zodiacool

    so expensive material

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  16. Drywalleuz

    secular brotherhoods of scribes.

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  17. Incipiongo

    from lat. manus – “hand” and scribo – “I write”) ]

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  18. Backlitgdx

    Century to a kind of destruction:

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  19. Vortexjzh

    Preserved about 300 thousand.

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  20. Superchipsfnp

    handwritten by the author.

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  21. Airbladehti

    mostly in monasteries.

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  22. Flexibleqds

    manuscripts significantly

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  23. Broncodmy

    only a few survived.

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  24. Holographicwmv

    … As a rule, the manuscript is called

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  25. Batteriesryi

    and was erased, and on cleaned

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  26. Marshallyjt

    Manuscript is a collective name for texts

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  28. Thank you so much!

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  29. Sprinklerlde

    and 12 thousand Georgian manuscripts

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  30. Bluetoothjsz

    handwritten by the author.

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  31. Stanmorexsd

    “Julia’s Garland” (fr. Guirlande de Julie)

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  32. Marshallpsi

    European glory, and even after

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  33. Zodiaczgm

    handwritten books were made,

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  34. Keypadasrq

    from lat. manus – “hand” and scribo – “I write”) ]

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  35. Extractionpyd

    ancient and medieval Latin,

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  36. Infraredvsx

    multiplies (see also article

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  37. Zodiaccjh

    books in ancient times was papyrus

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  38. Rubberrmp

    From many manuscripts of Antiquity

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